Its been a frustrating couple of days at work. There are so many portions of my teaching that just seem to be in question. I am a unique person. I know that. I also understand that with my personality and my energy I will oftentimes strike people the wrong way or confuse them. I get that. And I guess I feel that a certain amount of drama is just part of me staying true to who I am.
But lately it seems like every aspect of my professional life has been off. I am tired of having to prove my ability to those around me - my colleagues, my grad school professors, my students' parents.
It has taken my a long time to be able to say that I am a good teacher. It has taken 5 years of long days, endless grading, reading, and evaluating of my craft to be at a place where I feel secure - not finished, but secure.
Apparently, though, there is some part of me - some aspect of my nature that translates my professionalism of "I care about teaching children." into "Hey my shoe is shiny!" And I don't know what to do about it. Eventually people figure out how I work and things work out just fine - but until they reach that point it really feels like shit.
S went over to his sister's house last night to be a step-husband for her and provide some much needed support. (No I don't have an ounce of attitude about that do I?) I hung out with L for a while and then went home. I just wanted to be with S and since that couldn't happen I just wanted to be alone. But after a night of stewing and creating a really nice hole for me to wallow in it was nice to have S come home and pull me out. We got to bed extremely late, but it only took some cuddling, some deep conversation, and some really great bed aerobics to set things right. It is nice to know that when everthing falls appart I have someone who is really good at putting the pieces right again.
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