First Word. . .

So Anya makes a lot of noise- a LOT of noise. She has entire speeches and rants that she shares with us. All very emotional, all very specific. She understand so many words. She responds to what S and I say. But her actual human words are few. There was a phantom "Hi, Dad!" there was also a "All Done" episode. But not many words stay around for long. She says them, then she is done. It's like once she can say them, she wants nothing to do with them. She will smile if you say them, but it has lost its shine for her. Funny, our daughter. However, tonight was different. We were reading before bed and I came to this page.

When I read the line, "Anyara turns one year old. Happy Birthday!" She suddenly uttered, "Happy Birthday!" It was bizarre. Sure I heard wrong, I said it again, and so did she - many times in fact. But the real test was when dad got home- and she did it again! Except for dad it was less "Happy Birthday" and more "Happy". Either way, it was great! What a fantastic first word!

Tornado.

Well the last 24 hours have certainly been interesting. Yesterday, we put Anya down for her nap and were eating some take out from Brasa. We were relaxing and getting ready for a busy week. Midway through our chill time, the power went out. When it did, we heard some sirens. Not sure what was going on, S looked out the back window and assumed the sirens must be for somewhere else as we looked fine. The sirens kept going and I felt odd about it for some reason. I went out side and looked around. One side of the house looked stormy, but fine. The other side looked CRAZY. Weird swirly winds and debris floating. As I was looking the wind picked up and I headed back inside yelling to S that it looked really bad. I ran upstairs to get Anya and as I hit the top floor, the wind picked up and was howling loud. I fully expected to see the windows in Anya's room blown out when I opened the door. Finding the room still intact, I grabbed Anya and S and I headed downstairs. As soon as we hit the landing to head to the basement the noises got very loud outside. Wind, rain, and some large thumping. We moved as far back into the basement as we could and I just held Anya tight. Our hearts were beating so fast and I was so glad that we were together. Just an hour or so before S had been out getting food. The whole process was so quick. It was a huge blessing we were all down in time. As it grew quieter S looked out to discover that his car had been hit by a tree and carried about 15 feet forward. The car was totaled. We couldn't see my car as it was hidden under downed wires and tree branches.

After about 10 minutes or so the storm passed and we made our way out to assess our situation. It was crazy. I had only seen decimation like that in movies! Trees were down everywhere and debris littered our yard. People came out into the street to see if everyone was okay. One woman had been in a car when the trees fell and some paramedics were called in. The roads were blocked by huge trees from all sides. So help came in initially for that woman on foot. After we assessed the damage we realized that we were unable to leave and that took a new fear as looting/general lawlessness started to begin for some of the neighborhood. S was desperate to get me out and called St in to come get us.

There are many things I was willing to deal with, but leaving S alone to fend off looters was not one of them. As he was determined to get me and the baby out, I played dirty and told him I would not leave unless he did. He reluctantly agreed and we started to clean out the damaged car and hide the most valuable things in our house incase it was burgled. We packed what we needed and waited for St to bring the car in. I don't know how he managed to get the truck to our house, but it was a HUGE blessing.

Just as we were about to head out, a pregnant woman showed up out of no where in labor. Being only 7 months along, we tried to keep her calm and get her seated until help could make it through the trees. It actually was a sort of blessing as the plow needed to clear the way to the ambulance made it easier for us to head out.

We headed north and arrived at my parents house weary and sweaty, but no serious damage. I set up our bedding, fed the small one and put her to bed. It was only after she was asleep, the boys had eaten, and we were finally around the fire that I began to feel. It was such an amazing experience and we are so blessed to be alive and safe. There is just so much work, so much unknown, so much drama left to sort through. I am hoping to find the strength to keep going.

Superovulation Part DEUX!

So today was a long day. A good day, but a long day. All of the 8th grade was tired today because of the late night of Learning Fair yesterday. Then today was full of kids returning their lap tops and some serious teaching by me. I taught all 4 cores and then ran out early so that I could grab Anya early and meet S down at the infertility clinic. Anya was not the most excited to be without her nap, but a juice cup and the appearance of dad helped.

We have been talking about making a sibling for Anya almost instantly after she was born. Its kind of nuts, really. Everyone around us seems to want to space them out, seems overwhelmed. But we can't wait. The more she grows up, the more we want to have another baby! She is such a great kid and we can't think of anything better than growing our family with more versions of her. We went down today to meet about the plan for take two.

We are going to follow the same drug/plan as last time and begin treatment with my next period. So part of my is really excited, and the other part is shocked how quickly we find ourselves here again. I am hoping for many things, but mostly the ability to get pregnant and health. I was EXTREMELY fortunate with both our ability to get pregnant as well as how well I felt during my pregnancy. Forget how laid-back the baby we popped out was . . . So I pray for the basics and I hope all goes well. I am a little nervous/excited, but not the fear of last time. I know we can get pregnant, so it takes a lot of the stress away.

S is on another business trip, so it is lonely but nice because there is no reason why I can't go to bed INSANELY early. I am so beat I may not even take another look at ebay and facebook!

One more year. . .

So again this year I received the annual call from my mother saying what I good sister I was to E. I hate that call. My memory of E, how I honor E, are my own. I don't like people soiling his memory- and my mother does nothing but that for me.

Each year E's death date means something a little different for me. As time passes it becomes less searing pain and isolation and becomes more and more a part of how I live my life. My irritation with others attempts to honor him, however, does not lessen over time. I can't control so much about E's life, or death- which is hard for me. But I can control the quiet way I remember him, and how he changed our family- how he changed me into the person I am today.

S and I are still trying to find a church, and I still fight the fate of God with the choice of God. But whether E's life was fated to be, or an accident of sin in the world, I am unable to see myself without him. I could not be the sister, daughter, wife or mother I am without him. I hope that his memory makes me honor and cherish each of those relationships so that his life will continue to affect others.

I can never forget the day you died, Brother. I hope you feel honored by my life and how I treat others. I do my best to bring you with me where ever I go.