Choices.

I wonder what I should do today?

Obviously S and I are still not able to judge how many tomato plants we should buy in the spring. (I think this year we ended up with 16!- and I swear I don't know why.) Since this is the second batch that I have gathered, I have decided that this year I am going to try to can not only tomatoes, but also soup and tomato sauce. I seem to need ready to eat tomato soup and tomato sauce more than I need straight tomatoes. Lets hope this works out!

Last Bits of Summer.

So Tuesday night we laid block, and Thursday we poured the remaining sections of concrete at the front of the garage. It was an exhausting schedule that nearly did us in at the end, but we wanted to get to a certain point by the start of September. We are both pretty determined to get the garage done. But we are also aware that it may kill us. sigh.

Last year after our marathon of work over the summer made me threaten S with some bodily harm if we did not take a small break- thus our trip to Duluth. This year, S asked where we were going for our vacation. So a big victory in the relaxing department for my husband! We did not want to make a trip too far away, so we decided to go up north. We spent one night in Beaver Bay at Cove Point Lodge which was nice.


Here we are hiking around the point out to Lake Superior. This picture was taken about 2 minutes before I suffered my first sprained ankle leaping over rocks in inadequate shoes. S had a small heart attack thinking I had hurt myself or the baby. I had a small moment where I feared I had broken my foot. Thankfully it was a mild sprain and I was able to make it back. Some icing later, it was much better.


After our first night, we drove up to Grand Marais to stay at this fantastic hotel right in the heart of downtown. We had booked two nights there, and since it was so close to everything we ended up just walking to everything. We had an amazing time and it was super relaxing. The second hotel was about 3 times bigger than the first and we were super pleased with the accommodations. It was like a mini house- just fantastic.
One of the best parts of the hotel was that it was right on the shore. We ended up on a first floor room that walked right out onto the beach. It was 15 seconds to Lake Superior. Beautiful weather, great food, super relaxing- all in all a fantastic break.

clothes.

3 bags of clothes have been sitting in my dining room for a good chunk of time now. Today was the first day I ventured in to try some on. I have been reluctant, to say the least, about these odd clothes. Today M and I spent some time down in the galleria checking out Pea in the Pod- an upscale maternity store.

Again, I felt ridiculous trying on clothes, ridiculous strapping on that pillow belly, but for some reason, shopping with M made the whole process immensely better. M had called me indicating interest in going shopping with me for clothes, and I immediately jumped on the chance to hang out.

She gifted me two lovely shirts, and for some reason, those clothes- so cute and detailed- made me interested in trying to make this whole thing work. So I came home and opened up one of the bags to see what was there.

As a side note, most everyone knows now about the bump, and everyone is really, really happy for us. We heard the heartbeat again yesterday, and are at the 14 week point, which is nice. We are planning on heading up north Saturday morning for a small break- tonight? We are pouring concrete in the rain.

stolen wisdom.

So there are a number of blogs that I follow and I ran across this excerpt today from a friend of a friends blog. Today, this entry could not have been more directed at me.

Almost exactly a year ago, I got pregnant with the boy we now know as Benji. Even now, looking back, it seems like such a monumental decision. When people ask about how it came down to our decision to begin trying (or more like not actively trying against) I still don't quite know what to say... There was a lot of discussion for the entire year ahead of time... What things would we miss, what would being parents be like, what would change, when would be the best time.... Just like a zillion other couples we talked endlessly about all the things that would be impacted by that simple choice not to use contraception...and then have a baby.

The part that makes me laugh is that seems like an eternity ago. Most of all, I feel incredibly relieved to no longer feel the pressure of that decision. There is no longer all the wondering about how things will work out. Now they just are. I have climbed the mountain and know what it looks like from the top.

What I can't help wanting to tell friends who remain childless and are no doubt weighing THE decision is that the whole thing is a learning process, a letting go process, and a making-peace-with-what-ever-happens-process. In retrospect one of the most powerful lessons that I learned in the last year is that in an era of total control, instant gratification, and constant information, pregnancy and childbirth is a lesson in not knowing and in rolling with the changes. And in the end, out of that comes the serendipity and inexplicable, indescribable joy in life.

We had our 12 1/2 half week ultrasound/testing yesterday and everything looks great. We told our parents last night about our new addition. (It was really sweet and so nice to finally tell them! Dad of course was super excited.) I told K, my principal today, and also my favorite aunt and her boys. I am a little gun shy of telling people as I am still afraid I will lose this kid and have to deal with it in public. (yeah, I am a chicken shit) So this passage really spoke to me. I will try to take it to heart and embrace the unknown.

style- or lack thereof

So today, in order to avoid my bus duty again, (I usually only do this on Fridays, but since last night was so late and exhausting with the concrete, I felt I owed myself this break) I walked through the skyway to Macys. I intended to only look at the clearance and shoes, but I got sucked into the maternity clothes which happened to be right next to the dresses I was looking at. Initially, I thought I would just check to see if there were any deals on the clearance rack that I could use as mid-way clothes, as I already feel huge in my current wardrobe. Much to my dismay I got a little caught up in the racks and ended up trying a shirt and a dress on.

I left the section a little shell shocked. Much of it had to do with the maternity pillow that I just had to put on under my shirt, but some of the dread simply came from trying on the clothes. I guess I am reluctant to change my style for these 9 months, and I am unsure where that leaves me. I found some simply adorable heels downstairs in the shoes, but there was such a fear that I may not be able to wear them pregnant, that I left them.

Tomorrow, I find out if this baby is for real or not, and until then I am going to ignore these maternity clothes. After that- I will have to face this head on. . . .

12 weeks.

Well today officially marks 12 weeks of being pregnant. Over the last 2 weeks since we had our last ultrasound I have begun to feel more and more permanently pregnant. I had a sort of ah-ha moment during that last appointment when the doctor patiently repeated that yes, there was nothing to do but wait- the fetus was either producing enough progesterone to sustain itself- or it wasn't. There was no extra testing or meds that would matter. For some reason her look was so poignant- so clearly patronizing the possessed woman sitting before her that it shocked me out of my craziness (well a good bit of it at least). She said I was welcome to finish off the remaining progesterone suppositories, as finishing the remaining bunch would not hurt the baby, but I chose not to after a moment of internal dialogue. She was right- this pregnancy is either destined to continue or it isn't. I can only do everything asked of me and then hope it all works out. We go in next Tuesday to find out what the verdict is. And the really tricky thing will be if we are still pregnant- and things are as they should be- how we tell the family!