female.

So today was our long awaited 20 week ultrasound. I was really apprehensive because I was fearing some horrible complication or problem. However, today was perfect. Every detail, every organ, every single shot they took of our little girl seems great! So the relief is tangible.

I totally thought it was a girl for some reason, but I have no way of knowing if it was blind luck or mother's intuition. We were shuffling a bit with the name for a boy (Kaleb or Kalev) but we know our girl's name choice: Anyara Evelyn Basant.

So there it is. We will be bringing a little girl into the world. I had to have a long ride home in silence to think/pray through all of the things I was running around my head. I feel excited to have a girl, I just know that it can be complicated at times to be female. So I think our job will be tricky, but very rewarding. My only hope is that we have only boys after . . he, he!

I can't express my gratitude at having a healthy baby thus far. It truly is a relief off of our shoulders!

duh.

Watching a particularly moving episode of House tonight, I was struck by my own failure. I have been working really hard this year. Granted, I have a tough class. Granted, parents of all shapes and sizes have been up my ass. But it is my response to these stimuli that has been so interesting. I realized tonight, mid-House, that I have been over compensating. I have been over stretching my self in an attempt. . . I think. . . . to have some control. To make sure that my class is as perfect as I can get them, in an attempt to prove I am good teacher even though I am pregnant. And it goes on and on . . . with work and colleagues and such.

All of this is wearing me out, and it took me a while to get the correlation. I shared this new bit of info with S, and I told him, that since I seem to need to have this measure of control in all I do, where else it may sneak off to if I let my school control go.

flip flop.

I am convinced I have felt our baby move and kick.

I am also convinced that I am no longer pregnant.

sigh.

2 weeks until our 20 week ultrasound. . . I may not make it.

3rd generation.

So, a couple of years ago, S was given a boat after his cousin acquired one. He had been renting a house and after the occupants dodged rent for a couple of months, they finally fled leaving a 12 foot boat behind. S, having nowhere to store it asked his cousin St if he could store it at his place.

Time passed and St, decided to clean house. Forgetting that the boat was S's, he offered the boat to my dad this spring, who snatched it up and gave it to D. D was ecstatic. He spent the summer fixing up the boat and using it for fishing trips. All the while, S had to watch his brother in law enjoy the boat that had been his.

Now fishing is a particular love of S's and he had been looking forward to not only fishing- but fishing with his best friend T and more particularly, his dad. One of the few happy memories S had of his childhood was fishing with his dad, and he has a strong desire to repeat the experience now that their relationship is much better- and now that S will be a father himself.

Now even though S longed for a boat of his own, he was insistent that I not tell my family what had happened, as it would do nothing but make people feel bad. D was having such a blast with the boat, that S would not do anything to wreck that. I really respect that decision by S, but it was hard to see him working so hard all summer, and not have a boat to play with.

So, I asked my dad if he would keep an eye out for a boat. My dad always knows the ins and out of who is selling what, so I figured he might be able to find a boat for me by fall so that I could give the boat to S for his birthday. I had heard nothing all summer so I was surprised when at the end of a conversation, Dad mentioned that he had found S a boat. Shockingly enough, it was the boat that we had used when we grew up, the boat my grandfather had bought for the cabin.
This boat was bought sometime around 1974 and has spent its life passing from E, to E2, to S. I was super touched that dad was willing to pass this boat along, and super pleased that S would finally have a boat again. And it is a 16 foot boat, which is much bigger than we planned, but will accommodate 3 or 4 people much easier than the boat he had.

S was so excited when we picked up the boat yesterday, that he spent much of yesterday running about finding odds and ends that he would need. Today, he woke up at 5 am to rewire the boat so that he and T could go fishing this afternoon. Mid-way through the build, To, a random friendly guy in the neighborhood, stopped by to offer advice and good natured ribbing. (This is the part of the neighborhood I really enjoy!)

Right now T and S are off on their maiden voyage. Hopefully they are having a blast, because being married to S- I know he deserves a good night fishing in his new boat.

16 going on 17

So we are now four months. This duration of pregnancy has brought with it a calm that was missing in the previous months. I was still excited to hear the heart beat on our appointment this week, but my stomach is jutting out now to a point where it brings as much comfort as it does frustration. I have decided to try to opt of out maternity clothes as much as possible. In a world of plus sizes, it makes sense that I can a-line this tummy for a while.

We are heading to D's wedding tomorrow, and let me tell you, the wrap dress I bought months ago has been slowly shrinking with every time I put it on, and finally there wasn't enough to both wrap around and sit without baring my crotch. So . . . since that didn't seem like a good idea, I had been searching around. But since my belly is huge to me, but just flabby looking to others, it took a while to find one that would work.

Yesterday was the 4th grade open house I had been dreading. I am fairly excited to start this year, knowing that it will be different. But I was super nervous about telling parents. Really nervous. But it turned out that all my worrying was in vain . . . again. The parents were excited and even clapped when I announced my pregnancy. A little weird I must say. But that has been the response from the staff in general- just really happy and excited to meet the small one, and so am I.