a little brightness.

So my latest obsessions, other than getting knocked-up and cooking with wheat and splenda, has been orchids. I previously haven't been too fond of orchids as the seemed really prissy and high maitenence. However, they have proven to be strong and quite unique to me as I learn more, so here's what I've amassed so far:

1. Of course anything that is smaller is cuter, and this mini phalenopsis is no exception. I got this cutie for S for Valentines Day. It has so many buds and is doing surprisingly well on the kitchen windowsill.


2. L dragged me to an orchid show at the Como Conservatory two months ago, and I picked up this phalenopsis. It is super tiny, but I haven't been able to tell if this is a mini-phal or if this is just a very young plant. I am a huge fan of mounted plants!


3. After the orchid show, L found a local place to check out. We headed out one weekend and were astounded at what we found. Winsome Orchids is a fantastic place (Did I mention that they have an insane amount of hostas in the summer as well?). Their greenhouses were so well kept, and they had an amazing array of orchids. I fell in love with the hanging, bare-root varieties. Here is the first vanda I bought.

4. The next weekend, on Valentines, S and I drove out to the orchid place (S is a HUGE fan or orchids and is the reason why we had them in our wedding flowers). I spent my time obsessing over plants, S obsessing over how the place was built. He wants to build an orchadarium in thee house, and I am all for it. This vanda lives in S's bathroom upstairs.

5. Yesterday L convinced me to make another run out to Winsome, and since school is so crazy (kids are nuts, and they Minneapolis School Board is trying to shut FAIR down) I was excited for the break. Unfortunately, another vanda was calling my name. Its my biggest plant yet- it has amazing roots, and the blossoms are a good 4 inches!


So this is how my bathroom downstairs looks. Amidst the construction resides my own personal rainforest- it is a fantastic way to wake up. The other plant hanging from the window is a staghorn fern. It is my favorite! It's leaves are insane and protrude wildly from the wall. The plant at the bottom of the window also came from Winsome, it is sooo fragrant. It smells like mint/herb/lemon every time you brush by it or water it. It is fantastic.


During that last trip, I had lusted between two different orchids, the vanda I ended up with and this little guy. This is a miniature lady slipper and it is adorable! But since we are restricted on cash because of S's lessened hours at work, I put this one back. However, L snuck it into her pile and surprised me with it. I can't wait to see it bloom!

Today there is a fantastic blizzard blowing about, and since I am at home today, I got a cool shot of this dainty little guy with the blowing snow in the background. It gives me hope to see these flowers every morning- ready to bloom, surviving in this cold, ready for spring.

open for buisness.

So we are in the push to know why we are not pregnant yet. Today I had my HSG (shortened version of impossibly long word) to see if my tubes were blocked, or if there were problems with any of my equipment. I met with my doctor on Tuesday, and she scheduled me for this procedure on Thursday. I am on my last cycle of Femara (to grow my eggs), some antibiotics (to help the dye not cause any problems), and 600 mg of ibprofen to cut the pain of the procedure. OOOOoooh, the insanity! The plan is that for this last round, before we head to see the infertility specialists, is to try IUI (turkey basting). I love how bit by bit my life is changing- I am so used to the constant invasions on my body and so ready to do whatever is needed to have a baby. A couple of months ago, I had a very different picture of what I was willing to do to get pregnant- oh how time changes you. So today I had my procedure, and while it was pretty uncomfortable, it showed no problems with me (well, no additional ones at least). Tomorrow S gets his stuff checked, and barring all complications, (he, he!) we will baste next Wednesday and Thursday. After that- who knows. . . Sheeesh- what a hot mess.

genuine.

So we know for sure today that the month of February will not provide us with a pregnancy. I had no feelings that I might be, but now the pressure is on. Apparently, it is procedure to try options in house for 6 cycles, and after that period, if nothing happens, they move you to a infertility doctor. We just finished cycle 5. So if we do not get pregnant in the next month, we need to test both of us individually to make sure there are no complications from either of us that are resulting in month after month of no baby. big fun all around. There are lots of options and details to think about- too many in fact. So I am meeting with my doctor next Tuesday to talk shop.

I didn't do my normal "crash and burn" approach to the news. In fact I was pretty proud of myself- until tonight. S has been brought down to 3 days a week at his job, so we have been moving money around and making some hard decisions about what we should do. He and I spent most of yesterday night figuring things out. Tonight he had planned to go out with N to have some guy time. When N came to pick him up though, we found out that N and Su are a couple of months along. This is fine, but over New Years, Su and I had bonded over the fact that we both had been trying and still had not gotten pregnant. Now I am alone in that . . again. I am really missing the presence of a girl I can talk to about this really depressing shit, but all of the girls at my disposal, are either pregnant, not married (and sad about this), or not stable. So here I sit typing.

I want a baby, I want to start our family, and let me tell you, nothing about turning 29 makes me feel old- except the thought that I may not have a baby by 30. I feel so defective, I just want to curl up and die. (won't, but sure want to . . .)

true love.

So I am 29- officially entering the last year of my 20's. Last year for my birthday S got me a cd from one of my favorite movies, Pride and Prejudice. I was a little disappointed, considering how sentimental he had been previously in our relationship, and how much work he had put in trying to do something special. I tried look at the big picture, such as how S does so much for me every day, and how for his family birthdays are no big deal- while for my family they are HUGE. Nonetheless, this year, I was keeping my expectations low and focused on simply enjoying my birthday.

Stupid S stunned me once again. I came home and chilled for a bit, after a really great day at work (while still managing my class's valentines party!). S rolls in right after 4:00 which is about 2 hours earlier than he usually gets home. He has in his hand some mysterious packages that is dinner. He puts the food in the oven to reheat, and takes me upstairs to show me the first of three presents he has for me- the trifecta he calls it. Upstairs I literally stop and just stare at what he has for me.

I consider myself a pretty laid back person. Generally I don't care about the state of the house during this constant construction, unless we have people over. However, I have started to find my limits to this chaos. One of the things I cannot stand is having a room we have cleaned, organized, or finished get messed up again. It breaks me.

Lately we have felt a push to finish things and there has been a lot of improvement in the general appearance of the house. The downstairs is almost passable. The dinning room and living room are pretty much done except for the floors, and since I attacked the kitchen and bathroom, it has been almost nice. However, S and I are really too much alike, and my motivation to fix the bathroom and kitchen until our final remodel, motivated him to start a more permanent pantry, rather than the metal shelf we had propped up against the side of the fridge. Soon my metal shelf is moved to the dining room to make way for the new construction- dirtying an already cleaned room- and I start to freak.

Now S has a list of projects a mile long- literally. And as much as that shelf was killing me, I couldn't bring myself to be so selfish as to mention how much this was killing me- considering how hard he works. But I thought it- a lot.

So imagine my joy at coming upstairs and finding a pantry that S built for me. He stayed home from work and made this for me, knowing how much it meant to me. It was incredible! Truly. It made me tear up, but I kept it together, because he had two more presents to come.

Dinner in the oven was none other than Taco Villa, the best taco place in the state, according to my family. I had once tricked S into driving all the way to St. Cloud to show him this legendary place. He remembered, and drove 2 hours to get me the best birthday supper in the world! (Nothing is more sentimental to my family than food, and boy is this place special to me!)

The third present was 2 tickets to Death Cab for Cutie's April concert. We both love this band, so we are super excited to go! All in all, it was just too much. Each gift showed such thoughtfulness and planning, that I just couldn't really speak. I spent most of the night just staring at the man that I am lucky enough to share my life with!