Summer time.

I admit that I am slow. It takes me a while to transition. Always has. This summer the school to baby time was a really hard transition for me. I was so exhausted with this new pregnancy and so trapped feeling in the house with a baby who wants to do it all, but can't. I really struggled finding my groove. I would say it is only now that I have. Summer school in the morning and baby time in the afternoon and night seem to be a good balance for me.

I also had a small break through last week. Anya took a very short nap on Friday and since S is on some crazy overtime I knew I had a long night with her. It was so hot out, that the only option seemed to be to fight the insanity inside or run for the hills. And run we did. We took a chance on a beach that a friend had mentioned to us months ago and I must say we were not disappointed. For the first time, in a long time, I went swimming in a lake - with my daughter. The lake was clean and quiet. There were a few families there, but mostly people were just chill. We swam around and had a blast. We soaked up the sun, and enjoyed the summer. And for me, it was perfect. Anya loves the water and we jumped and splashed and she floated on her back- just fun!

We drove home and had watermelon for dinner. First watermelon of the year shared with my daughter. She gobbled it up and then I put her to bed after the rest of her dinner. For my own dinner I made potato salad. Now that doesn't sound like much, but since S doesn't like potato salad, I NEVER make it. Just the whole combination of watermelon, potato salad and the lake swim was such nice combination of memory for me. It just tastes of Walker. Now Walker has a lot of mixed memories now, but it can't be replaced as home. Today was the first time it felt like those memories were mine again and it was so great to share them with Anya. Made it a really lovely day for the both of us. That feeling of carelessly swimming with her in my arms while enjoying a perfect day will stay with me for a while. And I am grateful for that.

results.

So today was the big day. I drove myself nuts trying not to think about whether or not there would be a heart beat. How great it would be, don't get your hopes up, how great it would be, don't get your hopes up. Anya and I met S at the clinic for our 11:30 appointment. I just felt sick I had gotten myself so worked up. But not to fear, we saw our little lima bean- or as the doctor referred to him/her, the little boomerang and saw the heart going strong. So here we sit 8 1/2 weeks pregnant and growing strong.

I always take longer to process than S, and even now it is taking a while to sink in that we are heading towards a family of TWO kids. It's a little unreal. I am super excited, but also really nervous about all that these changes mean. But it was kind of fun, as Anya was banging excitedly on my tummy this evening, to say for the first time- of many to come I am sure- stop hitting your sibling!