wrap up.

So when Steven was first at college I began using a computer program called myspace to keep tabs with him. Well that program soon went south and facebook took its place. Facebook allows you to keep a little profile of yourself and interact with others. Little did I know how much I would use this program. It is now used by businesses and in particular our school. We discuss points, share articles, its really quite helpful.

One of the aspects I really enjoy is the updates. People post a sentence or two about what they are doing and it is sent to all the people who follow their profile. Today I used an application that made a collage of a random assortment of my posts throughout the year. It was actually quite a nice wrap up. Other than the lack of baby mention, it gives a pretty good synopsis to my year.

alien.

The pain in my leg lasted about 3 days this time and thankfully has passed. What has not passed is the movement. Good night, it is a strange feeling to have your whole mid-section writhing. I admit there are many times when I whip up my shirt and just stare at the wriggling in amazement. It is truly awesome. I jokingly chide Anyara for her constant motion as it wakes me up early on the weekends. I confess I am getting excited to meet her.

Normally I do not allow myself to look forward to things, as it often results in disappointment. In fact, hope in a positive outcome is not one of my strengths. S confessed to me that he is fearful of something bad happening with the baby, and I was happy to hear him say it as I have been also running 1,000 different scenarios through my own head. I want to believe that everything will be ok, but I can't help wondering if we are still able to keep this dream alive. Even though the first one isn't out yet, we are already thinking of the next and hoping Anyara is brilliant. I am so anxious to be a mother, to have our family, and this is another one of those things that is out of my hands and solely in Gods. Seems to be a place we are in a lot lately.

other side.

I have pain on my right hip/pelvis area that makes me wince when I move. It also causes me to limp like a wounded duck down the hall at school causing people to wince in my honor. I move like I am 80. My sciatic nerve is apparently on the fritz.

A and B lost their second baby to miscarriage. T and his wife are doing the ovulation dance, and B and T are taking a break after their 5th attempt at invitro.

Our "baby room" has so much work left, the vents aren't working so it is freezing, the carpet needs to be ripped out, and so much detail work is left to be done. I am the size of a small house, and I don't forsee my life to be one where the baby weight falls off. Both families are getting closer and closer as the long awaited child gets closer and closer. Sometimes that is good, other times I worry for my ability to make the choices that I want for my family. Three baby showers loom in the month of January, but none of them ensure that we will have what we need.

And yet, I am so unbelievably happy. So happy that we are pregnant, that we can be. That today I got to hear her heartbeat at my 30 week appointment, that she shakes my belly with her constant movement. I am so happy, we are so blessed.