When S was younger, he was in the Minnesota Boys Choir, and he missed out on his opportunity to go on a tour of Germany due to the first Gulf War. He always spoke about it with some regret. He has always wanted to travel to Europe and we talked about doing it someday. However, we both knew it would be some time before that could become a reality. When S first came home with the thought that his company might need to send him overseas to fix a coil for a research station, it seemed pretty cool. Then as things progressed, it seemed very unlikely. Then shockingly enough it became a reality- he got his passport and started preparation.
For me, I was slightly blown by the thought of trying to be a single mom for seven days. I was also super excited that S might now have the chance to fix this missed opportunity from his youth. I can say now that this week has been a lot easier and a lot harder than I thought. Anyara has been lovely this week, it seems to be the small window where no teeth or illness crept in. It has been a lot less stressful trying to get supper ready for us and a lot less drama as there is nothing else to do but prep for the next day. Every action is focused on what needs to be done for tomorrow, and how I will make that happen with just me here. However, it has been impossibly hard to not have Niel home. IMPOSSIBLY. I did my best to stay focused on the week's end. I did my best to focus on Anya and work. I tried very hard not to think about his absence. And I did ok. But trying to sleep without him is so difficult. Trying to get through the day without him just seems hollow. I miss him so much. And I have been able to video chat with him for at least 5-10 minutes every night. I can't imagine what I would have done without that. He is currently in the process of coming home- and it is not a moment too soon. I am falling apart without my other half. I just am depressed without him- feel slightly on pause.
It is interesting to me how much S is a part of me, a part of how I live now. It is more than just missing him, I miss who I am with him. I miss our family. For a small bit I felt great setting my own schedule and having some alone time. Time I haven't had in years. But the joy of a silent moment to myself was pretty fleeting. I am now a pack animal and don't function the same without him. I don't quite know if I like this or not, but it is my truth. COME HOME S!
