ipod argument

Today I realized just how much a woman steers the relationship that she is in. Today I was at my wits end with S. For the last 2 days I had been biting my tongue. I am quick to anger. I know that - know that well. So it has been my m.o. to always take a good long time to talk to my head and see if it is me or the other person, and what exactly I want to do about it. I simply cannot talk about things when I am irate without the proper focus - I say things that I can't always take back. So today after S went to work on the blasted retaining wall (that will not die) and I went up north to see D sing at church. St was also in town from college and so I could not pass up the opportunity. All the way up north I argued to my windshield and sang along with my ipod at the top of my lungs until I figured it all out. Then I went home to hash things out. The discussion went well and I am always amazed at how a little stress relief allows me to say the things I need to say without invoking the anger I am so good at. We figured some stuff out and I was struck by how much my choices affect what S does. It seems that S's focus is so pointed sometimes that he misses the big picture. I know that each person in the relationship helps to compensate for what the other is lacking, but I guess I didn't see how important it is for me to stay focused so I can keep our family focused. I am not sure how to do this, but I know what I want our marriage and our future family to look like and I must make sure that we stay headed in that direction.