Induced . . . .

So after all of the drama with Kalev being too small, I was shocked to find that the largeness that I was feeling was looking large to the doctor too. She recommended talking the baby out early so there would not be complications. So needless to say I was a mess on Wednesday. I had to be hooked up to an iv for parts of Anya's labor, but it was manageable because when I wasn't hooked up I could move around freely. Having to be induced means many things to me, and one of the things it means is being stuck to the iv and the fetal monitor the whole time. It also means that my body is being regulated by drugs from the outside so there is a chance it will not respond. I do not want to have pain meds of any kind and while the last labor was very painful, there was a certain pattern to the pain, and I worry with the drugs the contractions will be unregulated and much more severe.

Beyond all of this worry, I had to pull myself together. So in my fashion, I took control as I could and rewarded myself with food. So many rounds of nipple stimulation later, I ran out for some last minute errands. I picked up a pizza from Pschyo Suzi's and grabbed a Jamba Juice mid-errand. I took an extra nap, and I took some time to process. By the time S got home, he found a much calmer woman than the night before. The baby's health comes before any reservations I have about the hospital, so I will do what I need to do. If they break my water, I have 24 hours before the baby must be out. I can do what is needed for 24 hours. I can only take care of my mind and be ready to be flexible for the rest.

So there we are. Today, I am cleaning up some things in the house, running to Target for last minute baby items, and then making sure we are packed for tomorrow. We will call at 6:30 to make sure we are on track for our induction at 7:30. That will give us just enough time to get Anya to daycare before we run to the hospital. It will be tight, but it is the best option. Mom and Dad will pick her up from daycare and then watch her overnight. I really don't think I could manage more than one day away from her. But again, we will see what happens.

I am only nervous about saying goodbye to Anya tomorrow. I broke into tears on the way home yesterday from daycare just processing the changes that are coming down the road. I hope Anya doesn't feel put aside, and I hope that she adjusts to the new baby well. We love her so much and I hope that she feels that throughout the change.