100 things.

So the little one has managed to find interest in her play mat, so I am going to attempt to hit the big points.

1. I hate daycare. It sucks to drop her off, and it sucks that I can't be with her all day. I hate not knowing if she is ok. I hate not knowing if I found someone who will care about her and love her. I always pictured being able to stay home like my mom did- so this transition is HARD for me.

2. It has been hard for me to find a balance with S. Sometimes I want the baby all to myself, and sometimes I need a break. It is hard to find that balance. It is also hard to have S handle the baby when she is upset. Because I am spend so much more time with her than him, I can often handle the situation better. So he feels inadequate, and I feel stressed. It is getting better, but it definitely takes some work.

3. I hate my body. For a while, it seemed like we were moving in the right direction belly-wise. But now, it seems the sludge is here to stay. Large ass, large hips, and my god- jelly in the belly. It is really hard to keep the house generally clean while watching the baby. But fitting in a work out? Unheard of. And since I have little time to cook, I am usually shoving down whatever I can find. Not the best. The whole thing has left me feeling dreadful.

4. I am scared I am not good enough to be a 8th grade science teacher.

5. I am currently holding Anya.

6. I am worried about the frequency of our sex life. It is seeming to fall the way of "is the baby asleep? QUICK!" Not what I want at all. The exhaustion combined with the huge belly? Not the best aphrodisiac.

7. I want a vacation, but there is no money or time!

I gotta go feed the baby- hopefully next time I write I will have some of this hammered out!