This is my 7th cycle of drugs (3 chlomid, 4 femara), and April also marks the year anniversary of when S and I first started to try to get pregnant. This also is another month where we won't be pregnant. This time, and I can't tell if this is just for dramatic build up, I won't even get to try to ovulate- because NOTHING IS READY! I went in last Thursday, and nothing was ready. I went in again, after being on more estrogen, and yep- nothing is ready. So my doctor decided to force my period and double my meds next time. wow. So I am numb.
Today D asked me at work what was going on since I needed to leave early again, but I found myself very close to losing it as I spoke to her. She advised me to find an outlet to talk to, and it embarrasses me to say that S is my only option. M is 8 months pregnant, so it is hard to vent to her, T and I don't have that kind of bond anymore where I feel like I can unload on her. L is so sad about her own life that I can't express my feelings, and the rest of them are work people or family I don't feel like dealing with. I have no relationship with my mom, and it is times like this that I miss it. K came back into my life recently and it was really nice talking with her about her own issues with infertility, but I feel like I effed up that friendship, so as we are just starting back up again, I feel uncomfortable testing the worth of our friendship with this.
So all in all I don't have anyone to vent to but S and this computer. Sad, but true.
No comments:
Post a Comment