food-stress-food

My best friend for most of my elementary/highschool/college years was K a fiesty, awesome girl who soaking wet was around 100 pounds. As we suffered through multiple tests/boy problems/work I was always astounded how we both dealt with stress. Katie would forget to eat, be unable to eat, not want to eat when her world crumbled. Me? I excelled at consumption. First sign of stress and I beeline for the sweets. When the world is hard, I feel justified in treating myself to whatever food catches my eye. K would waste away under stress, I would buy new pants.

Speaking of new pants - that is the phase I seem to be in as of late. I can't stop eating. You know how anorexic people in a desire to control one aspect of their lives? I think I do that in reverse. I can't control how nuts my class is this year, or how nuts grad school is making me, or how generally behind I am in all of the other pursuits in my life. Food I can control. Which I know, I know full well about myself. But lately, I don't know how to shut it down so much. I can't seem to find the motivation to go back to the gym, or eat healthy, or maybe not just eat everything I see. Not sure what to do about it, but I would like to not be that girl that people talk about how she used to be pretty.

But everything else aside, I have a note of hope. I made good food today. I found a random recipe on the internet for spicy chicken yam soup. It was so good, that I think I will actually make it again. It may actually be a soup I make as one of MY recipes. You know, that repertoire of recipes that all women have as the verification of their estrogenness? I may someday have enough recipes on hand that I may be able to call myself a woman and have other women agree!