It was the worst of times, and somehow the best. . . .

Anya has early on shown a lot of interest in potty training. Months ago she started indicating when her diaper was wet and asking for a change. It didn't occur to me until a little later that those were signs of wanting to potty train. I always seem to be a little behind on this parenting thing. I mean we didn't start Anya on a sippy cup until way late- it just wasn't on my radar. Thankfully, I started reading about potty training and the best time to start it. I had always thought that it was something that happened around 2-3. But it turns out it works better if you start them earlier. So the research was there, her interest was there, so I thought- lets give it a try. She took to it right away and had lot of success . . . . until it came to poop. The first time she saw poop in the potty, she freaked out and suddenly lost all interest in going to the bathroom. So we decided to back off and give her some time to figure it out.

This last weekend was MEA and I had been planning for some time to do a "potty boot camp" to get her switched over. It just felt like she was stuck in sort of going and that this method had the best research behind it. It required at least 3 days of being home no pants, no diaper and just nothing but practice. Day 1 was decent, day 2 was AWFUL, and day 3 was redemption. On day 3 we were dry all day AND pooped in the potty. Amazing stuff. Funny, how something that little makes such a huge difference.

Day 2 almost wrecked me. S was gone all day at my dad's fixing my car and so it was the second long day with just the two of us in the house. We both got up early and I was not feeling great- and she was pretty whiny. By 9:30 we were both out of things to do and looking at a long rest of the morning. She was not quite together on the potty thing and we were just butting heads right and left. I felt like the worst parent who ever existed. My own exhaustion was taking over any patience I had left. She was cranky, I was cranky and we were stuck in the house. It was a long day, and honestly I felt like this whole boot camp was the biggest waste of my break. But we persevered, S brought home a hot chocolate and things got much better.

Today was the big test, her first day back at daycare after the big weekend. And she did so great. She was dry all day. Ridiculous how happy that makes me. Strange how tied I am to her success. Something that I need to keep an eye on for sure. But it is weird how fast she is growing up. She is a little person right before our eyes. . . .

Baby . . . .

BOY! So we are cooking a male. We are both super excited and nervous. I am soooooo happy that I will not have girls two years apart. And I am also happy that the pressure is now off. I mean, we would have been happy with all girls or all boys, but now whatever else we end up with we have one of each. It is really, really nice.

So all of a sudden I go from pregnancy misery to pregnancy hope. It is still uncomfortable and I am still SOO tired, but now I have a vision in mind for the future. It was super funny, the ultrasound tech was sweating she was working so hard to try to nail down our offspring. She would get the wand over the baby and just as she was ready to take the picture, the baby would move over to the other side of the uterus. It was almost unreal how much he was moving. We have to go again to see some final stuff, but everything we saw looks great. Technically, we did not see a penis, as the umbilical cord was between his legs and he was pretty uncooperative generally. But we did see scrotum, and we are hopeful that there is a penis and not some other random girl parts.

We are half-way to our goal- I am hoping for smooth sailing until then. But Anya was showing some serious potty interest so we picked up one, and now we are introducing that. She loves it and has taken to it really well. Pee in the POTTY! Never has anything so dumb made me so happy. So if we can, we will try to get her all tuned in by the time Kalev makes his appearance so we can move the cloth diapers over. Well that is the plan. Lets hope it goes well.

No time, less money.

So we are full up. Full up of work and baby and obligations. We just made it through the summer with overtime and summer school and second-baby-exhaustion. We are now heading straight into the fall of growing belly and trying desperately to find the money to pay for at least 3 minutes of my maternity leave.

However, I would not be me if I did not long for some sort of break, some sort of vacation before the endlessness of school begins. But we are swamped. Hard to even keep up with the lawn. So we did the best we could and did a day trip up to Duluth. It was fast, but lovely, and it did exactly what it was supposed to. It felt like we left it all for a bit and now I feel "ready" to begin the teacher workshop week on Monday. Well as ready as I am ever going to be . . .

(Our first feet picture together as a family! I know, I know. I can't help it.)

GOOD STUFF!

So among the constant craziness that is our life a REALLY nice new addition has shown up. At the end of the year I was so done with our daycare situation. It just was feeling icky. The whole time that Anya was a baby it was good- not great, but good. But as Anya got more and more mobile and personality-filled it got to be more and more of a problem at daycare. There was so much sitting and snorkiness- I just felt bad leaving her there, and I was desperate to pick her up at the end of each day. Anya wasn't eating lunch very well or napping hardly, so every time I picked her up the remainder of the night was angst filled. So I felt bad dropping her off, I worried about her during the day, and then picked up a crabby baby at night. Not fun. Not fun at all.

I was determined to try to find a new spot for her over the summer. I was so overwhelmed, every place I looked at was so expensive- or simply crazy. And I know that I had some specific needs: cloth diaper friendly, close, and no holding fee over the summer. Then you add into the mix the fact that we were also looking for a possible baby opening- it just got nuts. I hadn't told our old daycare yet, but I was so depressed thinking that we might have to go back there. Finally, I light appeared. One night while randomly searching, I found myself searching google map for any business in the area that might work for us. I happened upon a lone dot that - low and behold- had a website attached. Searching the website, I was happy to find a nice home, a great set-up and a lot of nice details. I made an appointment to go take a look. I could continue the story of the meeting, then the meeting with S, but I will just say - it looked great- they looked great. So we told our current daycare lady of our 2 week notice and signed on.

This is our first week there, and I have to say, it is a slap in the face. It is SO vastly different from where we are, S and I have talked about it EVERY day. We get a super detailed note every day and it is amazing how calming that is- to know what she ate, when she had a diaper change- how she played with others. She is also doing crafts and dancing and singing and having SO many new great experiences. She is so worn out when she comes home at lunch time and takes great naps. She even did a full day there and napped for 2 hours- I can not tell you the last time she did that at daycare. It makes me feel so calm and happy. I went and got my hair done and did not worry about her at all. GLORIOUS! I cannot state how thankful we are that this opportunity has been shown to us. It makes the stress of thinking how we will manage 2 babies so much easier.

SAFE. . . . oh wait.

So last week was our 12 week appointment, we checked it out and all was good. We both told our works the next day. We told my parents this weekend before our trip with them to Olivia for the annual Corn Days. They were pretty excited. And I was pretty excited to be able to tell people why I was so tired and chunky.

Last night (Sunday night) I was in the kitchen dishing up supper when I felt some wetness between my legs. I lifted up my skirt to find blood. We were both a little shaken to say the least. I went and sat down and we called the doctor. The bleeding, which was a very small amount, let up as I sat. The concern was the color- bright red. I spent some interesting moments last night just trying not to move as we tried to figure out what was going on. S was pretty wound up, but I was more fearful. I don't worry about stuff like that- it is already done. Either the baby was ok or it wasn't. Not much we could do at that point. I prayed for God's guidance either way and tried to let it go. I had a little more bleeding when I moved upstairs, but nothing the doctor warned us to come in for. The blood this morning was all dark brown so I felt better. Whatever happened last night seemed to be healing.

However, the doctor said to go in today for an ultrasound to make sure things were ok. Today was the first day of Anya's new daycare as well as the first day of the second session of summer school. There was so much that I needed to do, and so much of it was really physical. Hauling Anya and her things, moving boxes and fabric into my classroom. It just seemed daunting. I still felt a little weak, but I managed. Everything worked out fine and we got the day rolling. The only hiccup was that the scheduling office doesn't open until 8:30, but that is when class starts! So I moved some things around and made the only appointment I could, at 10:10. This time was a huge pain/blessing. Pain because it was right in the middle of the school day and I have a lot to teach on the first day. And now I would have to explain to people why I needed to leave. All fun. The blessing part was now I didn't have to lug/fight/entertain Anya through the doctors office or mess up her nap.

The ultrasound showed a healthy kicking baby. The heartbeat is fine. No tearing or bleeding. All is good. I called S to share and then went to pick up Anya. There was a little crying when I dropped her off, but she seemed so happy when I picked her up. Things were calm, there was no tv and I got a super detailed note about her day. RELIEF.

I am still feeling wonky. Tired and weak and unsure of my body. All of which are not my favorite. But there are some positive things for sure. Just need to keep going and figure out what is next.

Summer time.

I admit that I am slow. It takes me a while to transition. Always has. This summer the school to baby time was a really hard transition for me. I was so exhausted with this new pregnancy and so trapped feeling in the house with a baby who wants to do it all, but can't. I really struggled finding my groove. I would say it is only now that I have. Summer school in the morning and baby time in the afternoon and night seem to be a good balance for me.

I also had a small break through last week. Anya took a very short nap on Friday and since S is on some crazy overtime I knew I had a long night with her. It was so hot out, that the only option seemed to be to fight the insanity inside or run for the hills. And run we did. We took a chance on a beach that a friend had mentioned to us months ago and I must say we were not disappointed. For the first time, in a long time, I went swimming in a lake - with my daughter. The lake was clean and quiet. There were a few families there, but mostly people were just chill. We swam around and had a blast. We soaked up the sun, and enjoyed the summer. And for me, it was perfect. Anya loves the water and we jumped and splashed and she floated on her back- just fun!

We drove home and had watermelon for dinner. First watermelon of the year shared with my daughter. She gobbled it up and then I put her to bed after the rest of her dinner. For my own dinner I made potato salad. Now that doesn't sound like much, but since S doesn't like potato salad, I NEVER make it. Just the whole combination of watermelon, potato salad and the lake swim was such nice combination of memory for me. It just tastes of Walker. Now Walker has a lot of mixed memories now, but it can't be replaced as home. Today was the first time it felt like those memories were mine again and it was so great to share them with Anya. Made it a really lovely day for the both of us. That feeling of carelessly swimming with her in my arms while enjoying a perfect day will stay with me for a while. And I am grateful for that.

results.

So today was the big day. I drove myself nuts trying not to think about whether or not there would be a heart beat. How great it would be, don't get your hopes up, how great it would be, don't get your hopes up. Anya and I met S at the clinic for our 11:30 appointment. I just felt sick I had gotten myself so worked up. But not to fear, we saw our little lima bean- or as the doctor referred to him/her, the little boomerang and saw the heart going strong. So here we sit 8 1/2 weeks pregnant and growing strong.

I always take longer to process than S, and even now it is taking a while to sink in that we are heading towards a family of TWO kids. It's a little unreal. I am super excited, but also really nervous about all that these changes mean. But it was kind of fun, as Anya was banging excitedly on my tummy this evening, to say for the first time- of many to come I am sure- stop hitting your sibling!