No time, less money.

So we are full up. Full up of work and baby and obligations. We just made it through the summer with overtime and summer school and second-baby-exhaustion. We are now heading straight into the fall of growing belly and trying desperately to find the money to pay for at least 3 minutes of my maternity leave.

However, I would not be me if I did not long for some sort of break, some sort of vacation before the endlessness of school begins. But we are swamped. Hard to even keep up with the lawn. So we did the best we could and did a day trip up to Duluth. It was fast, but lovely, and it did exactly what it was supposed to. It felt like we left it all for a bit and now I feel "ready" to begin the teacher workshop week on Monday. Well as ready as I am ever going to be . . .

(Our first feet picture together as a family! I know, I know. I can't help it.)

GOOD STUFF!

So among the constant craziness that is our life a REALLY nice new addition has shown up. At the end of the year I was so done with our daycare situation. It just was feeling icky. The whole time that Anya was a baby it was good- not great, but good. But as Anya got more and more mobile and personality-filled it got to be more and more of a problem at daycare. There was so much sitting and snorkiness- I just felt bad leaving her there, and I was desperate to pick her up at the end of each day. Anya wasn't eating lunch very well or napping hardly, so every time I picked her up the remainder of the night was angst filled. So I felt bad dropping her off, I worried about her during the day, and then picked up a crabby baby at night. Not fun. Not fun at all.

I was determined to try to find a new spot for her over the summer. I was so overwhelmed, every place I looked at was so expensive- or simply crazy. And I know that I had some specific needs: cloth diaper friendly, close, and no holding fee over the summer. Then you add into the mix the fact that we were also looking for a possible baby opening- it just got nuts. I hadn't told our old daycare yet, but I was so depressed thinking that we might have to go back there. Finally, I light appeared. One night while randomly searching, I found myself searching google map for any business in the area that might work for us. I happened upon a lone dot that - low and behold- had a website attached. Searching the website, I was happy to find a nice home, a great set-up and a lot of nice details. I made an appointment to go take a look. I could continue the story of the meeting, then the meeting with S, but I will just say - it looked great- they looked great. So we told our current daycare lady of our 2 week notice and signed on.

This is our first week there, and I have to say, it is a slap in the face. It is SO vastly different from where we are, S and I have talked about it EVERY day. We get a super detailed note every day and it is amazing how calming that is- to know what she ate, when she had a diaper change- how she played with others. She is also doing crafts and dancing and singing and having SO many new great experiences. She is so worn out when she comes home at lunch time and takes great naps. She even did a full day there and napped for 2 hours- I can not tell you the last time she did that at daycare. It makes me feel so calm and happy. I went and got my hair done and did not worry about her at all. GLORIOUS! I cannot state how thankful we are that this opportunity has been shown to us. It makes the stress of thinking how we will manage 2 babies so much easier.

SAFE. . . . oh wait.

So last week was our 12 week appointment, we checked it out and all was good. We both told our works the next day. We told my parents this weekend before our trip with them to Olivia for the annual Corn Days. They were pretty excited. And I was pretty excited to be able to tell people why I was so tired and chunky.

Last night (Sunday night) I was in the kitchen dishing up supper when I felt some wetness between my legs. I lifted up my skirt to find blood. We were both a little shaken to say the least. I went and sat down and we called the doctor. The bleeding, which was a very small amount, let up as I sat. The concern was the color- bright red. I spent some interesting moments last night just trying not to move as we tried to figure out what was going on. S was pretty wound up, but I was more fearful. I don't worry about stuff like that- it is already done. Either the baby was ok or it wasn't. Not much we could do at that point. I prayed for God's guidance either way and tried to let it go. I had a little more bleeding when I moved upstairs, but nothing the doctor warned us to come in for. The blood this morning was all dark brown so I felt better. Whatever happened last night seemed to be healing.

However, the doctor said to go in today for an ultrasound to make sure things were ok. Today was the first day of Anya's new daycare as well as the first day of the second session of summer school. There was so much that I needed to do, and so much of it was really physical. Hauling Anya and her things, moving boxes and fabric into my classroom. It just seemed daunting. I still felt a little weak, but I managed. Everything worked out fine and we got the day rolling. The only hiccup was that the scheduling office doesn't open until 8:30, but that is when class starts! So I moved some things around and made the only appointment I could, at 10:10. This time was a huge pain/blessing. Pain because it was right in the middle of the school day and I have a lot to teach on the first day. And now I would have to explain to people why I needed to leave. All fun. The blessing part was now I didn't have to lug/fight/entertain Anya through the doctors office or mess up her nap.

The ultrasound showed a healthy kicking baby. The heartbeat is fine. No tearing or bleeding. All is good. I called S to share and then went to pick up Anya. There was a little crying when I dropped her off, but she seemed so happy when I picked her up. Things were calm, there was no tv and I got a super detailed note about her day. RELIEF.

I am still feeling wonky. Tired and weak and unsure of my body. All of which are not my favorite. But there are some positive things for sure. Just need to keep going and figure out what is next.

Summer time.

I admit that I am slow. It takes me a while to transition. Always has. This summer the school to baby time was a really hard transition for me. I was so exhausted with this new pregnancy and so trapped feeling in the house with a baby who wants to do it all, but can't. I really struggled finding my groove. I would say it is only now that I have. Summer school in the morning and baby time in the afternoon and night seem to be a good balance for me.

I also had a small break through last week. Anya took a very short nap on Friday and since S is on some crazy overtime I knew I had a long night with her. It was so hot out, that the only option seemed to be to fight the insanity inside or run for the hills. And run we did. We took a chance on a beach that a friend had mentioned to us months ago and I must say we were not disappointed. For the first time, in a long time, I went swimming in a lake - with my daughter. The lake was clean and quiet. There were a few families there, but mostly people were just chill. We swam around and had a blast. We soaked up the sun, and enjoyed the summer. And for me, it was perfect. Anya loves the water and we jumped and splashed and she floated on her back- just fun!

We drove home and had watermelon for dinner. First watermelon of the year shared with my daughter. She gobbled it up and then I put her to bed after the rest of her dinner. For my own dinner I made potato salad. Now that doesn't sound like much, but since S doesn't like potato salad, I NEVER make it. Just the whole combination of watermelon, potato salad and the lake swim was such nice combination of memory for me. It just tastes of Walker. Now Walker has a lot of mixed memories now, but it can't be replaced as home. Today was the first time it felt like those memories were mine again and it was so great to share them with Anya. Made it a really lovely day for the both of us. That feeling of carelessly swimming with her in my arms while enjoying a perfect day will stay with me for a while. And I am grateful for that.

results.

So today was the big day. I drove myself nuts trying not to think about whether or not there would be a heart beat. How great it would be, don't get your hopes up, how great it would be, don't get your hopes up. Anya and I met S at the clinic for our 11:30 appointment. I just felt sick I had gotten myself so worked up. But not to fear, we saw our little lima bean- or as the doctor referred to him/her, the little boomerang and saw the heart going strong. So here we sit 8 1/2 weeks pregnant and growing strong.

I always take longer to process than S, and even now it is taking a while to sink in that we are heading towards a family of TWO kids. It's a little unreal. I am super excited, but also really nervous about all that these changes mean. But it was kind of fun, as Anya was banging excitedly on my tummy this evening, to say for the first time- of many to come I am sure- stop hitting your sibling!

So. . .

If you scan my previous posts, you would guess that this post would be an update about our progress- medicines, ultra sounds, blood tests.

You would be wrong.

The last Friday of workshop week, I drove Anya to daycare and then went to the clinic to get my first blood test. I got my period just fine after I finished breast feeding. However, each period that passed was a week later than the previous. So when I went in for our initial check up with the doctor, he said to call on the first day of my period and we would begin all of the fun. If I didn't get it by June, to call and come in and we would begin the process of "forcing" my period. With the tornado problem attacking our car- I was fine to wait until the end of the first week of June to go in. I gave my blood, and headed into my last day of school. We finished early and headed out to Se Salt for a nice lunch. It was a really great day- relaxing and fun. Our team ended up hiking around the falls and taking a walk in the river. It was so fun. I dropped K back at school and then headed to pick up Anya. As I drove, I called my voicemail to see what the plan was for any prescriptions I needed to start. However, when I checked my message, the nurse said that in fact, that I was already pregnant.

"crickets"

To say I was shocked was a little bit of an understatement. Now don't get me wrong, we wanted to be pregnant- really, really wanted to be pregnant. I just thought I had prepared myself for all of the things I would have to work through while trying to get knocked up- drug effects, stress, money, and the possibility that we may not get pregnant for a while. I had not thought about the fact that we may have gotten pregnant on our own. Truly. S and I have really good sex. We do. But this last month has been a comedy of errors with our sex life. S has been really sick and the I was sick, and then then tornado. . . so the amount of sex that could have resulted in a baby was a lot less than a month where we would be trying to get pregnant. So all in all- I was pretty flummoxed.

So here we are. If I am still pregnant, we are 8 weeks pregnant. If my body was not able to maintain the pregnancy, then we will find out at our ultra sound next week and we will move forward from there. I feel pregnant, have felt a lot of pregnancy symptoms, but I don't remember how it was the last time I lost the baby. I am trying to stay neutral on the maybe-baby, but it is SO hard. I am excited, even though I shouldn't be yet. So here we are. God sure knows how to keep me on my toes. Wow.

mixing dough.

So I am currently sitting in the parking lot of the Center for Reproductive Medicine. I am about an hour early due to the fact that I have to drop Anya off by 7:30 and that they didn't have an earlier time available. We me with the doctor who helped us conceive Anya a couple of weeks ago, and I am here to begin the whole process again. I am excited but for some reason still have butterflies in my stomach. It is not the fear of last time, thank God, but it is a representation of the unknown I guess. Will this work again? Will it happen right away, or take years? Will we end up with multiples or tough decisions?

We are still on one car from the lovely tornado incident and so after picking up Anya last Friday from daycare, I headed over to pick up S from Minnetonka. We needed to wait about 20 minutes for him to finish up, so we headed over to one side of the parking lot to explore the pine trees and the fantastic cones they offer for chewing. Mid-explore Anya just stood up to get closer to another pine cone she simply had to have. However, instead of taking the typical 3-4 steps and then stopping she just kept walking and walking and walking. It was amazing! It was like some switch clicked for her and she was ready to go. She was so happy with herself and was giggling and laughing as she moved around. When S came out she walked all the way to him- it was such a great family moment. Since then it is walking all the time. ALL THE TIME! It is such a cool thing to see, it makes her so grown up. It just seems the right time to try for a sibling for her.

The only other thing, besides a car, that we need to figure out is her daycare. I am not happy with where Anya is. It was totally fine the whole time that she was little, but now that she is getting a mind of her own and wanting to explore- this place is not the best for her. So today is the last day of daycare for her at Lisa's and I am hoping over the summer to find a good place for fall. I just want some place I know she will get a chance to do all sorts of fun/creative stuff. So there is lots to do this summer- I am very excited to see what happens!