I want to feel attractive again. Sometimes buying cute clothes or trendy things helps- but all of my money is tied up in buying Anya cute clothes. Apparently I am a baby clothes whore. Sometimes its nice to just know that you are vaguely attractive to other people. However, that gets me in a little bit of pickle. I know that others find me attractive- but its not their opinions that matter to me. (I KNOW that S finds me attractive- he says it all the time. I just don't know that I trust it. I mean he signed on to me for life- what if he is just happy with what he has, but not as happy as he could be?) But beyond that, I am not happy with myself, and that feeds all of my problems. I know that I either need to wake up at 5 and work out, just eat raw foods, or be patient until more time presents itself. But in the meantime I feel gross.
Beyond the desire to be cute, I have this nagging feeling that I am gaining weight due to my PCOS. I had the no ovulation, cyst part of PCOS, but I didn't have the weight gain. I am hoping that I will not have to do severe alterations to my life- but I have the feeling I might. I am eating very little during the day and one big meal at night. But my weight keeps going up in my middle. I really hated breast feeding at times, but boy the extra calorie burn was nice.
Baby is big, growing a lot. No walking, but some good looking standing. Also some really squiggly crawling. Been sick for a while, but hopefully will be better for her first birthday.
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