boobs and baby.

Boy this, "I don't have time to blog, here is everything that happened in the last year" post seems to be the trend. . .

boobs: So the new pattern seems to be that there hasn't been a weekend since school started where something tragic hasn't happened to one or several of our bodies. S was sick, I was sick, baby got sick for the first time- I mean it has just been one of those things. Anya's first illness was at 7 1/2 months- so really I have nothing to complain about. All in all, it was just a slight fever which mad sleeping interesting for a night or two and one Saturday pretty much was just baby/mommy cuddle time. (Don't tell anyone, but that day where she was all curled up with me on the couch was actually pretty sweet. I mean, I don't like that she was sick, but she just spent the day cuddling with me and it was nice.) By Monday she was good to go back to daycare. S spent one weekend pretty sick and then nursed the never ending cold for a good week. Me? My illness takes the cake. Apparently the shift to nursing at school didn't go as well as planned and I ended up getting a clogged milk duct. Then because I have a high pain tolerance I developed Mastastis which, simply put, is a real bitch. I was feverish, exhausted, and in constance pain. The best part is that part of the cure, along with some antibiotics, is to just nurse through it. My god. Nurse through it. Let me just say, that weekend SUCKED. However, I have made it 8 months nursing, so I feel motivated to make it to my year goal. Am I excited to get my tits back? YEP!!

husband: S is such a great man. About a month ago I was loosing it and I had a couple of freak-outs because of all the extra work I was doing. I started to see how women get that "men don't do anything" attitude. I started looking around and seeing how other couples did it. That, in the end, was stupid. Our relationship is our own, and we have to make things the way we want them. I let S know how much extra work I was doing, and how burnt out I was because of it. He said he was aware, but just felt helpless to do anything about it. We discussed options, and let me tell you- he has made huge improvements. HUGE. He is so helpful and considerate, and it makes me appreciate him more and my stress level so much lower.

S is also really busy at work. I cannot tell you how different his attitude is about work now. He is so happy and motivated at this new company. It is really a blessing to see him have pride in what he does now. There is almost no day that he doesn't come home with stories of how well things are going at work. The downside to this, is that he really hates our house now. Before, he felt depressed generally, but now with a good family, good job, good car, and his weight much closer to where he likes it, he can really see how this neighborhood is holding us back. He has dreams of moving us out of here in 10 years. . . I would love to leave, I just don't know how we could possibly make that happen.

job: My job is continuing to kick my ass and be the best choice I could have made. I am constantly figuring out how to do and how NOT to do lessons and labs. I am feeling out my new rythym and trying to figure out how to incorperate all of this new technology. I hope that each year I do this grade gets better and better.

baby: Anya continues to be amazing. Even when she is waking me up too early, or can't communicate what is irritating her, I think she is the best thing ever. I am unable to imagine life without her. I still have dreams about loosing her, but it is getting better. I can't believe she is 8 months old. She is eating a lot lately, and even though she is still pretty skinny, she is so much bigger. She loves banana, beans, yams, and applesauce, carrots, peaches, tolerates squash and pears, and doesn't really care for peas. She is a pretty neat eater, if you can keep her hands out of the equation. She continues to be a performer in public and keep most of her drama for home. This has its benefits, but at times it is irritating she can keep it together for daycare and then save her irritation for mom. She has said, what we believe to be her first word, which was da-da. She seems to be focusing it directly at S, and it is the sweetest thing ever. She sits up fairly well, and rolls very well. Crawling seems a little way off- which I think is a good thing. Her eyes are a dark amber brown, her hair is my boring brown, and her skin color seems to have darkened a bit, but she is not as dark as when she came out. I would really love if she got S's hair- but I suppose I will love her either way . . . I cleaned out all of the unsorted laundry from her crib today, and I think we are going to try to move her into her crib tonight. After spending some quality time with her over MEA, I may be ready to try for this separation. Maybe.

family: Today was S's sorta birthday celebration with his family and I just have to say- GOOD GOD- what is wrong with Nalin? He is so out of control, and now that he is 3, it is not cute in any way shape or form. He threw such a huge tantrum today, that I had to take Anya out of the house because it was upsetting her so much. I know it is not my place to say anything, but it is so annoying to spend all of our time together having to watch him to make sure he doesn't hurt Anya. He is actively looking for negative attention all the time, and it is exhausting to keep my comments to myself. I am not looking forward to Thanksgiving or Christmas!

me: I am having a really hard time liking my body. I have lost a lot of my weight, and in all actuality, I am probably a little under where I was when I first got pregnant, however, all of the fat is not in the same spot it used to be. I now have a belly, which is new to me and very irritating. It changes how all of my clothes fit and how I feel in them. I used to feel pretty confident, but now I feel pretty mediocre and pretty frumpy. I am trying to be patient, as I cannot fathom fitting one more thing into my day, but I am not happy. It changes what I wear around the house, and I really feel the change in letting S see me naked. Big butt, big hips, I never used to care, but this belly- its got me stressing.

Lets hope that it isn't this long before I find the time to write again. Life is really really full, but really really good too.