Guess who's on birth control? Yea! ME!! What you may ask? Aren't you trying to get pregnant? Yes. Yes- for the love of god we are. truly. However, on my first ultrasound with our new clinic before we would begin the injectables, they found one large egg. One large egg just hanging out - doing nothing. Funny enough, its the egg that I was waiting for last cycle, the egg that just couldn't get up off its big fat ass and be ready. But now after forcing my period and whacking out my body, it is there. Soooo. . . that means that this month we cannot take the drugs as this egg is way past its prime and may cause trouble. So, in order to not get pregnant while we wait another cycle, I am on birth control. sigh.
Its ok. I guess. I still can't see certain people who are pregnant, but I am hoping I will be a nice enough person to be able to go see M's new baby at the end of this month. I also know that if I get pregnant now, the time table will still work out for the school year. I am worried that if we get to the end of the summer and I am not knocked up that I may lose it. But that again is way cart before horse. I was pretty upset about having to wait another month, and in rebellion, I have let the cooking and a good majority of the housework go. I need to get my but in gear, but I just feel mad. Not raging mad (well not often) but a sad disappointed mad that eats away at my calmness- that finds me at the worst times and won't leave. I want to be positive, I need to be positive, but I feel like every time extension I talk myself into is one more deadline that makes me want to die when we pass it. So I am hopefulish- what other choice do I have?
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