up and down

Monday I went in to see how the little follicles were doing on cycle 2 of chlomid. They were cooking just fine, but not quite ready. I went back in yesterday and found 1 follicle ready for the ovulating! The staff was so positive, and the ultrasound tech printed out a picture of my follicle and told me to show it to S and tell him that is the first picture of our baby girl! It was so sweet, that I instantly felt so much better.

On Monday, Dr. Block had looked at my ovaries and and said that the ring of small sacs that she saw there were text book for polycyclic. Which means for me that the likely hood of S and I getting pregnant without drugs is EXTREMELY rare. I am so thankful that we at least know that we can get pregnant, because this whole process is a little daunting at times, and any reassurance is helpful. There are a lot of scary things about being polycyclic, and I am so grateful that I live in a time and place where I can have access to the drugs I need. I am also really upset that my body does not readily supply the hormones that I need.

Yesterday, the follicle measured 1.9 and they wanted to wait one more day before ovulation, so they sent the shot home with me to do this morning. The nurse came in and explained the whole procedure, and I felt really confident. Even being able to give the shot myself allows me some feeling of control. ( I am such a hot mess!@)

However, this morning all feelings were lost. I prepped the site, and jabbed the needle into my thigh. I pushed all of the medicine into my leg and the leaned to the side to see if all of the medicine had been pushed out. Since it had, I pulled the needle out. Instantly clear fluid shot out of my leg. I was horrified! I had no idea what had happened. I had followed the nurses' directions to a t and she had said, when I asked what could go wrong, that there was nothing! I was so stunned, that I didn't tell S, I just called the Clinic as soon as I got to school. The nurse said there was a chance that I hit a muscle or a vein, or that I pulled the needle out too soon. I was so pissed, because I hadn't been told anything about that, and here we were ready to go, a full weekend open to have all the sex we needed, and now we don't know if I am going to ovulate, due to some small missed instruction!!!!!!!!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!

I am trying to put this in perspective, but I came really close to loosing it this morning. There is no way to get another dose as they don't know how much I lost. If I got enough in my leg, I may ovulate, if not then we won't. We are going to carry on as if I did ovulate, but I gotta tell you my spirit is really low- especially because I was so positive and excited yesterday. I really felt like we were in a good place to finally get pregnant.

Now. . . . . . sigh.

Its out of my hands again, and I don't like it. I don't like it one bit!