blank.

So today (day 17 of my cycle if you are counting- cause everyone is . . . .) I went in for my follow up ultra sound to see how the old follicles are doing. Apparently they are fine, so fine and relaxed, that they see no reason to grow. So . . . onto the next step. Apparently, it is now time to move on to a new period. Who knew? So I got medication to "force" my period. After that, I will do some magical calculations and take a second drug to make sure that my follicles GET OFF THEIR ASS and mature. Then I will go back on day 11, get ultrasounded again, and see how everything is doing.

wow.

I came home to an empty house, as S is at the trainers, and I have to say I was glad for a little time to let me mind stop swirling. Several complicated meal preps later (curried squash soup, salted squash seeds, garlic paremsean speghetti squash), I think I am finally getting it.

I am such a stubborn, do it yourselfer, that this "interference" in my body seems aggravating and at the same time a little humiliating. Egg+sperm= baby. Why can't it be that simple? I am so embarrassed at the thought of telling people that we had "help" getting pregnant - but for the life of me, I don't know why.

We already got pregnant on our own- so I know we can. This "help" is simply to speed things up so we have a better chance of getting knocked up sooner. I always joked that I never wanted to know when our kid was conceived. Part of this comes from the desire to have a VERY healthy sex life. The other comes from the arrogance of wanting our baby making process to be as easy and smooth as our relationship.

Beyond all of this S and I are ready to start our family - end of story. I am willing to allow things to be slightly altered so we can get a move on. I also need to be aware of how blessed we are to be at this clinic and to have such talented, caring people looking after us. I know many couples who go at least a year trying before they figure out they need help, we have it now. I don't believe in coincidences, so I know we are hear for a reason. Now if only I can be patient enough to get through this all!