crap.

So I am in the shit now. Yesterday I ran into a good friend making a horrible decision and ended up having to be a part of calling his actions into public knowledge. Or so I thought. As the incident evolved in complexity, I was amazed to discover that the knowledge that I had been so shocked to find, was commonplace to SOOOOO many others.

Part of me was relieved. I know what I saw - what I experienced, but I had replayed the experience in my head so many times, and I was so shocked by the whole event, that at some level it was nice to have back up - simply to verify that it hadn't been some awful dream.

The rest of me, the majority of me, is outraged. I witnessed my friend's behavior for the first time yesterday and knew that the situation had to be resolved - immediately. I cannot understand how others could not be motivated to the same decision. His behavior was harmful to himself and others, and to me seems to be the ultimate sign of a complete break down. I cannot understand - won't understand- how people who are supposed to care about this man allowed his behavior to go on unchecked.

Since I, and two other peers, were the only witnesses that came forward to address this issue. (Me with the friend, the other with her supervisor, the other with no one) I will probably have to document what I saw.

I don't want any part of this. I know what must be done - what is right. But there is such loyalty in me to this friend, no matter how insane his behavior, that I cannot seem to handle the thought of my account hurting him.

I am very hurt right now, and I don't really know how to deal with it. In an effort to quell rumors, there are few- if any- people I can discuss this with. I am so torn up. I really am.