Less than 2 Weeks 2 go. . .

13 days until:

I am married.

How weird is that? I am really excited to be getting married, but to tell you the truth it takes a little bit to get used to that fact. Almost all of our dating life has been headed in this direction and yet it is still amazing to me that we are almost there. We almost have it done. almost.

And yet I can't seem to shake the melancholy that has overtaken me today. I am not sure if it is the rain, or the staggering amount of work that still needs to be done, or just the fact that it is the last few days before spring break and school is nuts.

No matter. Today I get my hair dyed - finally and I think that will help. I hope. I just feel drained and a little life-less. Somehow I have to get myself geared up for this last little sprint to the finish line. I am just not sure how much coffee that may take.

105

Cake is verified: Lemon Raspberry on white and Raspberry Chocolate on Chocolate.

Flowers have been checked: We added a memory bouquet and changed the number of hanging groupings. Delivery time has been estimated and coordination with the cake place has occured.

Pastor has been given the order for the service. We are awaiting the sermon rough draft to see what will be. . .

Wedding site has been contacted with final number of guests (105) and confirmed the nariyal curry as well as the specialty coffee we wanted. Clothes will dropped off the day before the wedding.

Musicians have been informed of time tables and request and have been asked about the proper way they would like their names recorded.

ALL RIGHT WEDDING GODS - BRING IT ON!

Totally kidding. God has been gracious. People have been great. But I don't want to test our luck! Just let me have a different last name on April 7th and life will be great!

Jitters Anyone?

Had a funny little information session at work this last week. In passing T remembered that I had my final dress fitting that day. K, our principal perked up his ears and commented that I must be getting wedding jitters. I replied - none yet - and he said that if I hadn't had them already I would get them soon. Being the cocky love-struck girl that I am, I asked, why?

Wow. Shouldn't have opened up that can of worms! Throughout the next 15 minutes I was bombarded with story after story of how liquor, cigarettes, and quaaludes were used in order to allow people the nerves to get hitched. After the whole ordeal I was stunned. Does no one get married without being properly altered?

Fuck it. I love S. I have never felt so sure about anything. Ever. My life has never before followed the pattern of others. Why should it start now? I am going to marry S and feel fantastic about it. And should the "worst" occur, I have a nice fall back plan. (he, he!)

Confession

Okay, so here goes.

I joined myspace last year in an attempt to have more active communication with my brother D. Initially it was a chore to keep up, but now I enjoy it. But it brings out the worst of my tendencies - being nosey. You can go through peoples profiles and really get a sense for how they want to present themselves to the world. Not always accurate, but usually very entertaining. So searching through myspace on day I found S's ex-wife A and I was BLOWN AWAY! I was fascinated, it was like looking at a violent car wreck - I couldn't look away. Here's what I found.

<>I couldn't believe it. How in the world was S ever married to her? How did that even work? She seemed so incredibly different from me that I couldn't understand - so I showed S - and he was blown away by how much she had changed. She had morphed herself into a completely different person, changed her name, her appearance, friends - everything! We had a pretty good time checking out her site - and providing commentary.

A is among many other things a pretty talented writer and so when I would go chat with my brothers or friends I would check out her page and read her blog. I have to admit I was fascinated. Completely. (S - not so much apparently being married to her had been enough) She is an amazing manipulator and liar and I actually really enjoyed checking what she was up to- if not only to be confounded by her portrayal of S. Part of me was entertained, but the other part was on defensive - "you never fire crazy" you keep it close to keep an eye on it.

So on one of my "drive by's" here is the blog entry I found. . .

[15 Mar 2007 | Thursday]

& the CREEPY SHIT award goes to... Current mood: shocked My ex husband & his girlfriend/fiancee/person... For checking out my myspace page. A lot. Like. A LOT. I knew they did. Mostly because IP addresses don't lie and he has the same IP we had when married. However... I never like to make assumptions about anything but his cousin informed me this morning that he had, in fact, been coming here with his girly thing on a regular basis. Creepy. Dude. If you read this... Let me break it down for you... I don't miss you. I don't miss "us" -- I don't even think about either of those things. In fact, when I do I just feel sad that I wasted so much of my life trying to make something so dysfunctional work when neither of us ever really loved each other. Shit, I think most days we never even LIKED each other. I don't regret anything in my life. But any time past our first 3 years together is the closest thing I do have to regret. Please believe. Why would you want to check up on me, see me, know whats going on in my life? It makes no sense to me. I wish nothing bad for you... In fact I hope that you find happiness because I have, I know what it feels like now and I hope you have found it too. You were never happy when we were together and I know now that it was your issue, not mine. Just like MY unhappiness during that time was MY issue and not yours. We simply were friends that took things too far. We should have remained friends. It was all we were ever good at. I tried to remain your friend after everything happened and you chose otherwise. You chose to lie to your family and our friends about what happened and about who I was as a person. And I don't hate you for that. I don't even dislike you for it. That's why this confuses me so much. You haven't wanted anything to do with me thus far and that's okay, in fact I prefer that chapter of my life be closed and locked away just... Please. Keep it that way and stop nosing into my life. I miss your sister. I miss your cousins. I miss your Aunts and Uncles and... I do not miss you. I will not miss you, because by the end there was nothing to miss. All I wanted to do was leave and never look back. And so I did. And I thought you did. And now... not so much?!?! Please stop coming to my page. It isn't healthy. You have a new wife (soon) and a new life (I hope). Dwelling on things that are no longer a part of your life isn't a good way to start those things off. Find your happiness, if you haven't already and just consider the last 9 years a lesson learned and water under the new bridge you have built and move FORWARD. Gosh. I'm speechless. Creeped out & speechless. Pre-emptive restraining order anyone???

So my response? Nothing. I have nothing to say to her. Lots of thoughts - but nothing to say. I'm happy with my life - and interested by hers. That's about it. I am slightly agitated that she has skewed this so that she can make herself feel needed or whatever she needs. I am pissed as hell at her cousin who continues to talk to a woman who betrayed and hurt her own family so badly. But for A? Nothing but pure fascination. Will I keep checking up on her? Oh yeah, I can't think of anything that would annoy her more. And as the new woman, isn't that really my job? (he, he!)

Gotta have faith. . .

So drama:

1. The woman at school swore to me that her mother could alter my dress. She swore to me she could handle the job. She assured me it was all right to take it from the dress shoppe, knowing that once I did I could not bring it back there for alterations. She was wrong. She failed to mention the details I told her to her mom. So I found out 3 weeks before my wedding that her mother could not finish my dress.

2. My personal shower is planned to have several mismatched women who do not share similar ANYTHING and is going to occur 45 minutes away or more from most of the people who would attend.

3. I can't help but worry that once S and I get married we won't have this awesome excitement about our love. That we will become as stale and predictable as everyone elses.

Result:
1. Was lead to a great alterations shop. Cheaper and better construction than either previous.
2. I am canceling the shower - screw the cute underwear - its not worth the drama.
3. "When fear seizes, change what you are doing, you are doing something wrong." (As long as loosing it worries me, I know I will work hard to keep it from becoming "normal") (I hope. .)

Snow Dance

As planned at 8 o'clock last night S and I, in conjuction with the rest of my teaching comrades did a snow dance in hopes that school would be cancled. (And what a dance it was!) It seemed our hopes had been answered as around 8:30 snow began to fall. But our joy was short lived and soon after it became clear that life would conitnue as usual.

So here I sit at 12.53 at school surrounded by heaps of snow that has been falling all day and 24 children who will need to try to get home in it. Apparently the predicted blizzard needed a little more time to get here. Lucky us.

(This is the current view outside my classroom!)

So tonight I will try again and hope my snow dance results in a more direct bar to my school day tomorrow. sigh.