12 step

1. Red October


2. Aureo Marginata


3. Twist of Lime


4. Gold Standard



5. Little Sunspot

6. Guardian Angel


7. St. Paul


8. Robert Frost



9. Great Expectations



10. Orange Marmalade



11. Golden Sculpture



12. Great Lakes Gold


12 b? Paul's Glory
(I know, I know - but's almost fall!)

gluttonous

I guess I feel entitled. School was hard this year. The wedding added a lot. Moving was a marathon. Grad school has been a continual battle. And I am tired.

So I guess I feel that I deserve to watch Law and Order rather than write wedding thank yous. That I am entitled to paint my toes instead of doing the dishes. I feel obligated to check Craigslist for free things that I don't really need, but feel no such obligation to do a load of laundry. All of my things are still in boxes in the basement, but I am convicted to move my hostas around until things are just perfect. I eat, and eat, and eat, but do not feel it necessary to wear off any of those calories. We are quite behind our budget with our remodeling and still I persist in my endless hosta pursuit. And not those crappy hostas at home depot - the good ones from Savory's.

I know it natural to need to relax - to take breaks in the midst of chaos. But I still can't help but feel guilty any time I stop because there is so much left to do.

and ex makes 3

We have been destroying a lot of stuff in our yard this summer so of course any kind of destruction call for St. He is the master of breaking things - truly a gift. And enough time has passed that he is less the guy who proposed to me and more just a friend now. But every once in a while S, St and I are all working on the same project in close quarters, or eating together, or hanging out and it crosses my mind . . . I dated both of these guys. I could have married either of these guys. They are both still apart of my life and each others. Weird.

ADHD Recount

So.

I haven't written in a while. Completed Bookmaking for Authors and Astronomy for Teachers - demolished the back yard - ripped apart the garage with the help of the Indian destruction team - had both in-laws over in the construction-zone house for feedings and general inspections - put in an extra 30 hours at school for curriculum mapping - completely lost my mind and planted the front yard into a hosta haven.

okay.

S has been busy too.

Life is crazy now, but we are managing. We really like to spend our time together, so with S's extra job and all the demo around the house I have been worried that we will fall apart and be like every other married couple we know, but so far so good. The thought is that if we work really hard and get our shit together, then we can maybe have a chance of having a more normal life next summer. (he, he) Oh well, we will see what happens. So thats enough for now gotta go write wedding thank yous.

No they are not done yet. yet.

drinking

So today is the last day of school. No kids for the last 3 days - just staff development - but it has been awful. simply awful. I just want to run. I hate my profession, I hate my principal, I hate my job, I am just done . . . and pissed as hell. So I came home early - forgot my obligations

and drank.

I don't know how I feel about this. I have always poo-pooed people who drink casually at home. I always figured drinking=partying and kept it in that place. But I have changed. For better or worse or just different I don't know. But I am tired. I am fried, and I have an enormous amount of work ahead of me.

So I don't care.

right now.

Deficeit

I can't write.
Shocking I know.
But now I have to.
I got myself into this grad school class.
Where I must write
when I thought I got to build books
not write them.
And now I am in trouble.
And no form can hide the fact that,
I can't write.

Hosta Love

So I have developed a new way to deal with stress:

(Magic Fire)

(Montana)

(Beckoning)

(Ivory Coast)

(Stained Glass)

Now don't be fooled, cafine is still the ever present cure, but there is something very comforting about green plants. everywhere. no really - EVERYWHERE. So my obsessive traits are not lessening with age . . . or marriage, but there are worse things I could obsess about right?