The other thing that has been hard lately is the mood swing that Anya is in. Boy she is growing up fast! She is so independent in so many ways, and yet so needy at the same time. This disjointedness really has lead to some serious stress as she wants to do what she wants to do and sometimes has trouble communicating to me what she wants. She has no problem communicating her dislike to me when things don't go her way! She is really good at "dead baby" and will drop to the ground in protest, which makes life hard for a very pregnant mom. I know that this is just a stage, but to be honest, it has been a very difficult for me. After a long day at work, it is frustrating to have to go "fight" Anya into her coat, shoes, and hat and try to get her home and "fight"her through her night routine. Yesterday was just miserable and I cried the whole way home from daycare- just feeling like a failure in every way. Tonight, however, was a completely different story and was just so lovely. I love being a mom, but it is hard to keep the perspective of time when I have never done any of this before!
Well to add one more log to the fire, Mary Louise died this week on Tuesday. She was out and about with another senior citizen and got in a serious crash and died. I have not been close to my grandmother in years due to my extreme loyalty to my father and some pretty messed up behavior from the family. The death came as quite a shock to my father and instantly the mess of Isakson family bullshit reared its ugly head. Long story short, we will be heading up to Walker at 5:30 tomorrow morning to go to the funeral simply to support my dad through whatever shit comes flying at him. I have not been up to the cabin in a really long time and this was not how I meant to go back, but it is the way it is. I have no expectation for anything but to support my dad. I hope it isn't the worst thing ever. sigh.
